My plan vs Gods plans

I want a bambino...and every 28 days I count and wait and then get disappointed.  Now, mind you it's  only been since July that we've actually been trying to get pregnant.  But somehow, silly me, got it in my mind that it would happen in a snap.  HAHA  silly silly silly me. 

God constantly reminds me that I need to trust in him and stop trying to control everything.  And I think that this is another way God is teaching me to rely on him and to trust that it will work out in his time NOT mine.  Well, I should say here that, thats fine and dandy.  But it really does stink to have to give control over, but that's exactly what I am trying to do.  Some days are better then others with the whole giving control over to God.  Some days I worry that somethings wrong with me and that I'll never have a bambino, and other days I think it'll happen when it happens. and if it doesn't then thats Gods plan too.

What if  a year from now I'm still hoping, each month to be pregnant, and each month keeps passing by... and then I stop that thought and think, nope, this is in GODS TIMING NOT MINE...His will, not mine.

Thats hard stuff.

It's been a year

It has been a year since I have spoken more than a "hello" to her and its taken me that year to come to grips with these things...

ONE: The makeup of my family is completely different to what I grew up knowing.  TWO: My future children's relationship with their grandparents is forever altered.  THREE: This all happened not because of one thing that one of them did, this happened because of the build up of little things, that both of them did and said.  If it had been one big thing, things would likely be very different.  FOUR: Forgiveness is difficult.

If one is forgiven does that mean that they are now welcome back into your life?  Or can you forgive without letting them back in your life?  Can one forgive and then keep the forgiven at a distance because of the lack of trust?

Honestly, I'm not sure I will ever have very much to say to her or him for that matter again.  Hopefully, I can forgive one day very soon, but that will only be through God's grace.

The Difference a Year Makes...

At this time last year grandpa was in the ICU after a stroke, following a surgery that had appeared to go well.  He couldn't talk, much less walk, he wasn't eating, all he could do was make sounds that no one could understand.  Worst of all he didn't know anyone, not one of us.  We truly did not think he would come back to us, we thought he was a few steps from seeing Jesus. 

But now a year later he is walking, talking (as much as ever) better than before the surgery.  Before the surgery (much less the stroke), he was not walking, but for a few steps and that was with a walker and assistance.  And now even after a stroke he is walking with out any assistance. 

It is as if time has reversed itself just for awhile.  God is good, good even when we are weeping on our knees wondering where He is, God is there just beyond the shadow. 

This time last year I thought I was going to loose my grandpa, but God is good and merciful and gave us all a bit more time.

Meet Duke

The newest addition to our lil family...DUKE

Meet Duke our 9 month old great dane.  We got him from a friend.  Duke has a sister named Daisey and together they make Daisey Dukes:) 
 
Likes: ice, shoes, his puppy food, sleeping, daddy
Dislikes: microwave, oven timer, moths (to all of these he gets scared)
 
Funny how a great dane is, if he stands on his back legs over 6 ft tall, scared of a moth...
 
I love him, and he loves us and Maggie too:)

So thankful for the little things

Today I took my grandma to the doctor, everything that was big that could be wrong...wasn't.  Now we just have to figure the little things that are wrong.  I am glad.  I made it to STL safely, and back home with Maggie safely.  Normally those aren't big things but today I'd thought I'd focus on the little things and make them the big things in my day :)

Things never go as I think...

So I'm going back to the world of two year olds.  I've given up the idea of teaching again, since teaching jobs are few and far between to say the least.  So I'm going back to the world of diapers, poop, boogers, and giggles.  Only this time I'm moving up to Room 6 which is strictly at least 2 year olds instead of Room 5 which is 15 monthers. 
I couldn't do it without Bebby...she keeps me sane, lets me be lazy and listens to my whining and yelling...Without Bebby I wouldn't go back. 

Things never go as I think they will...this being another huge example of the fact that things are up to God, not me...not by a long shot.

To Melissa!

Hey girlie!!  I just figured out that you have been making comments on the blog thing (sometimes it takes me awhile to figure things out)
Anywho...thanks for your encouarging and insightful words:)
And again Congrats on the little bambino:)