Mother's Day

I have mixed emotions about Mother's Day.

On one hand I don't care for Mother's Day.  It's another holiday made up by Hallmark to sell cards.  Another day to remind me that so many women my age have a mom out there that loves them, supports them and is their friend.  Another day to remind me that I don't have that relationship.
Even before our relationship fell apart it was strained, I couldn't be myself around her.  I felt like I was constantly trying to earn her love and to make sure I didn't lose it.
I wonder if our relationship was ever real sometimes.

Yet on the other hand I'm a momma to a beautiful and sweet baby girl that I love more than life itself.  And Mother's Day to me means celebrating that little girl that has made me a momma.

I never want Belle to question if I love her...I never want her to think she has to earn my love or that she could ever lose it.  I want her to see me apologize, and know that even momma isn't perfect and that that is why we need Jesus.  I want her to have the relationship with me that I don't have (maybe never had).  That is my prayer this Mother's Day.

A Change of Heart

Sunday before last we were studying the first part of Galatians, where Paul gives a brief history of his life and talks about finding freedom in Christ.  But what got me was the part about Paul's past, he began his life as a persecutor of Christians but one day God changed his heart and made him into the man he was to be, a follower of Christ and a leader of Christians.

Focus with me: God changed Paul's heart.  Changed it so dramatically and fully that it was unbelievable to some.  To me, it's hope.  

If God can change Paul's heart then can God change the one person's heart that made me run back to Him? Yes, He can.  But will he? and would she even accept the change?  I don't know.  

All I know is this: seeing the utter destruction of our relationship was the final straw that sent me seeking God once again with an actual open heart to Him.