I gotta get this off my chest...

It seems everyone around me is either pregnant or has a baby....why is that? Even people who just got married are poppin up pregnant. Thats just what it seems like to me. Don't get me wrong..please...if you have a baby or are pregnant I am beyond happy for you. I am just wondering why it is that everyone I seem to know is either going to have or has kids.
Being married for 5 years I guess is weird and still not have a kid or two but let me explain the reasoning...b/c I'm starting to get the question, "well dont u want kids?" or "are u ever going to get around to it?" or some other question that has to do with being married for 5 years and still no kid.
Drew and I got married 5 years ago and everyone thought we were getting married because we were pregnant, or everyone thought we got engaged in high school cause we were pregnant. And now everyone thinks we are funny or weird to still not have kids after 5 years of being married. Ok so heres some reasoning. When we did get married we barely had a pot to pee in and a window to throw it out in (as my grandma would say) and we were both in school and school to both of us has always been a huge deal and goal. Now think would it be wise for us to have brought a child into this world when we neither one had an education or money and were livin from week to week? It would have been possible but truly not what we wanted for our future children...and now people ask well why not now?
It all goes back to the idea that Drew and I have come to understand...and that is when its time you'll know and if you can barely provide for yourself what makes it wise to bring a whole other person into this world that your mission is to care for. We want more for our kids than what we had....and further more I just dont feel ready yet...and gosh darn it I think thats ok! We are enjoying our time together just the two of us...constantly moving (seems like), traveling whenever we want, just being together just the two of us ...truly learning the wonders of commiting our lives to another person forever.
We will have kids but just not now....
Am I ready?....no not quite yet, I want to teach a while, and furthermore I shouldn't have kids right now medically b/c of the meds I'm on for my pacemaker and heart. Does that mean I cant have kids..nope but this heart stuff has to get figured out before I can think about trying to have kids....b/c obviously I wanna be around to see them! The other thing is since I've been in working at the daycare I know I don't want my kids from 8 weeks on in daycare day in and day out....its just personal opinion, I want to stay home with them and financially, and career wise I'm not ready for that. And I know I wont have family around to take care of them (if I did, that'd be different).
Am I more ready now than even last year? Oh yeah... I can't wait to have a baby, I wonder if the day will come some times, but then I remember that it will in time. I think right now ...I'm more ready for a baby than Drew is (he's still in 2 much love with his job to think about much else...which is good!) But this time next year...yeah I'll prolly be ready but who knows....God does and he knows when I'll be ready b/c becoming a parent is not something to go into lightly. And in the meantime I'm learning all the things to do with kids and not do..

Ok so now I feel better ...prolly until someone else asks me when I'm going to have kids again!
Just wanted to get that sermon and preachin off my chest:)

This time last year..

As I sit here...doing my basic nothing I find myself thinking back to this time last year. This time last year I was nose deep in teaching 24 5th graders. Gosh I loved them...at the time I was never so busy as I was then, I was always at school. I got up at 6:15 every morning and was at school by 7:30 and usually stayed until at least 5 or 6. I was never so tired but never so happy with my work. My mind never stopped, I was always thinking of ways to improve my teaching, how to make the next days lesson more fun, how to get through grading 24 papers from 6 subjects.
And now I'm nose deep in 15 1 and a half and 2 and a half snot nosed, poopy diapered, sweet talkin, adorable smiles. I really love them but last year was beyond anything so wonderful, I am hoping and praying for a job with elementary kids. Ones who for the most part keep their snot and throw up to themselves.
I wouldn't trade last year and my 5th graders for anything. I miss them so much. I am learning the patience of Job in order to find my dream job of teaching 5th graders...(or even 3rd, or 6th, or 4th).
Last year I did not know how good I had it, I cherish every moment, stressful or wonderful. Teaching my 5th graders, they made me sure of what my dream was and is...to teach upper elementary...I place my faith in God, in someone who knows more than I...much more.

For a moment ...

My scar...2 months out of surgery

For a moment today I forgot I had a pacemaker... and then I felt my heart beat kinda funny and I remembered.


It doesn't hurt at all but I can feel the beats are funny when the pacemaker pops in to motion for my heart. I can't really describe it other than...if you have ever felt your heart miss a beat, thats kinda what it feels like, only mine doesn't miss it, it has something else to beat for it.


Right now I'm sorta in the stage where everytime I feel it I'm reminded that if not for it, I wouldn't be here. It's weird...very weird to think that if not for this thing I wouldn't be here right at that moment when my heart beats funny.


My heart stopped in the hospital for 23 seconds, I awoke to nurses with paddles over me, if I hadn't of gotten the pacemaker when I did the next time my heart may have decided to stop for longer...which deprives my brain of oxygen... and maybe the next time it wouldn't have restarted itself...yeah I know scary.


There is a reason I am here.... I know that now, if there wasn't I wouldn't be.


Don't think I saw the white light when my heart stopped (thats what Drew asked me a couple weeks ago...if I saw a great white light like the movies say you do when your heart stops)


So why am I here? I dont have a clue, but God knows, because he moved me to the best cardiac doctors in the midwest(to Springfield IL) just last June so I know there a reason for everything...


"My flesh and heart may fail but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever" Psalm 73:26

So I heard a song...

I got the new Taylor Swift cd for Christmas and finally got around to unwrapping it and actually listening to the whole thing just last week. You know how you listen to a cd a couple times before you actually listen word for word to one of the songs...(maybe thats just me...) but I got to actually listening word for word to the 2nd song on her cd "Fifteen" here are the lyrics...

You take a deep breath and you walk through the doors

Its the morning of your very first day

you say hi to your friends you aint seen in a while

Try and stay out of everybodys wayits your freshman year and youre gonna be here

for the next four years in this town

hoping one of those senior boys will wink at you and say

you know I havent seen you around, before

Cause when youre fifteen and somebody tells you they love you

youre gonna believe themand when youre fifteen

feeling like there nothing to figure out

well count to ten, take it in

this is life before you know who your gonna be

You sit in class next to a redhead named Abigail

and soon enough youre best friends laughing at the other girls who think theyre so cool

we'll be out of here as soon as we can

and then you're on your very first date and hes got a car

and youre feeling like flying

and your momas waiting up and you think hes the one

and your dancing round your room when the night ends when the night ends

Cause when youre fifteen and somebody tells you they love you your gonna believe them

when youre fifteen and your first kiss makes your head spin round

butin your life youll do greater things than dating the boy on the football team

but I didnt know it at fifteen

When all you wanted was to be wanted wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now

Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday

but I realized some bigger dreams of mine
and Abigail gave everything she had to a boy

who changed his mind and we both cried

Cause when youre fifteen and somebody tells you they love you your gonna believe them and when youre fifteen,

dont forget to look before you fall

Ive found that time can heal most anything and you just might find who youre supposed to be

I didnt know who I was supposed to be at fifteen
Youre very first day

take a deep breath girltake a deep breath as you walk through those doors.
You can also check Taylor Swift Fearless Album Track Listings in CD andTaylor Swift Fearless Lyrics

I must say that Taylor Swift has wonderful heart breakingly true songs...I didn't have a clue as to who I was at fifteen. and Lord does that chorus ring true, cause when you are fifteen and sombody tells you they love you ...your gonna believe them...yeah, so true. I wish I could go back and smack myself over the head and tell me to pay attention to more of the school part and less of the boy part of high school. I wish I could tell myself that God had a guy for me and he would show up when God was good and ready for me to find him so that I didn't want to be wanted as the song says.

I even had a best friend at fifteen that was a red head...and we laughed alot together (Renee;)

I thought I'd share this song with ya'll that read my bloggy thing, cause its a beautiful song, and for those that are still fifteen...love it....pay attention to the little things, like school and family don't let the boys worry ya. Trust in God and that he does have a plan for you...Although...if I hadn't of gone through who I sorta was at fifteen I would not be the person I am today....the one who knows to trust in God! (even though its HARD as heck most of the time:)

My MAggie Girl

This was taken on Christmas morning...she is wrapped in a scarf I got as a Christmas present...I put it on her and next thing I knew she was asleep in the middle of the floor. She loves to be snuggly!

And so another blog is created...

So I created my very own blog...how special! Actually, I stole the idea from loads of other people, so I didn't really create anything.
But let me let you in on my new years resolutions...(I thought if I blogged them then I might actually follow through with them...for at least 6 months)
1. I will read the book of Job (because it has come to my attention that I need the patience of Job in order to find my dream job...oh yeah and Job and job are spelled the same...haha)
2. I will be more positive everyday
3. I will stop picking at my cuticles (already broke that one, but I figure I can renew my resolutions now)
4.I will Save money for a new house (code for no more shopping trips:(
5. I will Start my masters

And there they are, in 5 brief things...I could have typed a book worth but more than 5 and I loose attention or forget.

How do you close a blog?