2 years old!

This time 2 years ago we brought home this lil gal...

1 year ago...

Today...

When did she get so big?  I would like to know...because I obviously don't remember it happening...
This time last year...I wrote about some of her favorite things so I thought I would do it again.

She loves: swimming, playing with her kitchen set, eating ice cream and M&M's, swinging, the big blue slide at the park, taking care of her babies, coloring and stickers, loving on her bear; BoBo and feeding ice to Duke

Fav books:  Llama Llama and Pinkalicious and Curious George
FAv food: Beef and Noodle and icecream with daddy and any kind of fruit
Fav words: awesome, yeah, silly
Newest discovery: Winnie the Pooh and eating her entire meal with a FORK!:)

She is beyond sweet and still our answered prayer.  We prayed many days for her and she is beyond anything we ever dreamed God would give us.  She is a beautiful little girl inside and out and we adore her.

10 Years Ago

10 years ago today Drew and I got married.

I know what your thinking, geez 10 years.  I know, because that is exactly what I've been thinking too!

So, in honor of being married 10 years...I'm going to give you a glimpse at what life for us was like 10 years ago (at least what I can remember).

10 years ago...

- We were both kids...just 19.  Yep, 19. We were engaged spring break of our senior year of high school.

- I cried the entire way down the aisle.  And I cried throughout almost the entire ceremony.  I was a hot Cinderella dressed mess.  Not because I was sad, but because I knew this was life altering, not something to be willy nilly about.  This was marriage and I was absolutely overjoyed that I had found God's perfect someone for me.  But looking back it would have been huge if I might have laid off the tears a bit...maybe I wouldn't have messed up my vows and had to repeat them.

- My mom was my maid of honor.  Amazing what can happen in 10 years time to a relationship.

- We were broke. Drew had 2 part time jobs that summer, I was gainfully unemployed and both of us were about to start our 2nd year at 2 different universities in Saint Louis.  In several of the years that followed our wedding we ate the vast majority of meals with my family or his because free food was exactly that...free.

- My sister was 7 and she was not a big fan of all the waiting that came with a wedding...waiting to go in, waiting to get pictures done, waiting to get the ceremony over with, waiting to take more pics, waiting to go eat, waiting for cake, waiting to get her scratchy dress off.  By the end of the afternoon she was an emotional mess.  But I do remember laughing at her several times:)

- My grandparents walked me down the aisle. I cried.

- My father-in-law married us.

- I wore ballet slippers because lets be real here people...heels are not for an overly emotional bride like myself.

- I was a curly haired red head.  Yep.  And I admit I'd love to go back and redo my hair.

- Drew was ubber Hot that day, like straight up GQ worthy.

- Drew was not a big fan of wearing a black tux in 90 degree heat at 10 in the morning.

- Besides the day that Belle was born, this was my favorite day.

Here is to 60 more years together :-)

Mother's Day

I have mixed emotions about Mother's Day.

On one hand I don't care for Mother's Day.  It's another holiday made up by Hallmark to sell cards.  Another day to remind me that so many women my age have a mom out there that loves them, supports them and is their friend.  Another day to remind me that I don't have that relationship.
Even before our relationship fell apart it was strained, I couldn't be myself around her.  I felt like I was constantly trying to earn her love and to make sure I didn't lose it.
I wonder if our relationship was ever real sometimes.

Yet on the other hand I'm a momma to a beautiful and sweet baby girl that I love more than life itself.  And Mother's Day to me means celebrating that little girl that has made me a momma.

I never want Belle to question if I love her...I never want her to think she has to earn my love or that she could ever lose it.  I want her to see me apologize, and know that even momma isn't perfect and that that is why we need Jesus.  I want her to have the relationship with me that I don't have (maybe never had).  That is my prayer this Mother's Day.

A Change of Heart

Sunday before last we were studying the first part of Galatians, where Paul gives a brief history of his life and talks about finding freedom in Christ.  But what got me was the part about Paul's past, he began his life as a persecutor of Christians but one day God changed his heart and made him into the man he was to be, a follower of Christ and a leader of Christians.

Focus with me: God changed Paul's heart.  Changed it so dramatically and fully that it was unbelievable to some.  To me, it's hope.  

If God can change Paul's heart then can God change the one person's heart that made me run back to Him? Yes, He can.  But will he? and would she even accept the change?  I don't know.  

All I know is this: seeing the utter destruction of our relationship was the final straw that sent me seeking God once again with an actual open heart to Him.