Tis the Season

I was dancing to Christmas music around the tree with Belle in my arms and I started to just feel them coming...the tears.  In recent years I've dreaded Christmas and I guess this year is no different only thing about this year is I'm not working and am at home alone with a toddler and my thoughts.  Not good some days.

The entire month of December when I was growing up was a holiday; mainly because of my birthday and Christmas.  Now I dread both.  Christmas in my house growing up was always an occasion from getting a tree,decorating, going to church, shopping and everything in between.  Christmas day was full of family, presents galore and mountains of food.  Everyone got  along ( for the most part). Christmas was always at my grandparents house.  And then it was over and the family was gone and Christmas was spent a part in separate houses, in separate states and with separated hearts.

It might all be easier if the family I knew had died because then they wouldn't have chosen to separate from us.  Its harder when they make the choice to leave.  Both my parents have chosen to leave me and since I've become a parent it tears my heart out every time I think about it and the holidays bring it all to the surface.  And I hate it.  Because I know now that I could never do to Belle what has been done to me.  never.  I would climb every mountain and swallow every bit of pride I have to prevent it. Its also so hard to see my sister go through much the same thing.

So I've resigned to make it a happy season for my sweet daughter, who doesn't deserve any of the feelings of abandonment and all the tears that I have.  I must focus on being a godly parent and apologizing when I don't get it right (which is often!)  Lucky for me God is my true Father and he hasn't left me.

1 year old!

One year ago the pic on the left is what I had in my arms...a sweet, cuddly, sleeping newborn.  The pic on the right is what I now have, an ever happy, walking, adorable 1 year old.  I would like to know when she grew up...and when this change took place, because seriously, I have a hard time remembering the newborn in the picture on the left...and I suppose in a year I'll have a hard time remembering the 1 year old on the right.  Here's the lowdown on the 1 year in the picture on the right... so that I remember this come next year.

Fav. food is beef and noodle and ice cream (but only when fed to her by daddy)
Loves: the vaccum: its basically her best friend, she giggles at it and likes to chase it.  I've only ever heard of babies and kids hating the vaccum, but she loves it!, she loves to read: all books over and over and over.  (Just FYI: Board books do not feeel good when dropped on my toe or popped over my head...), she loves juice (preferably prune juice...ewww!).  She also loves to play fetch with herself and Duke's tennis balls...she also loves to play fetch with Duke too:)  She loves to swing, she would swing for hours and hours and hours.  A swing set is gonna be in her future!

She broke herself of being rocked to sleep, a habit that I created when I started staying home FT...then one week she just decided she just wanted to be put into bed and go to sleep herself.  She's a big people person (the opposite of me...) when we go out she's all about smiling and laughing at people and lil kids...all she wants to do is play with other kids when she's out around them! 

She has made me a better person, without a doubt. And she has singlehandly made me an even bigger believer in God.  How can one not believe in God after seeing this miracle named Belle?  Only God could make this itty bitty newborn into this sweet lil toddler a year (just a year) later!

Home is seriously where the heart is.

I love staying home with my girl.  There is no other place I would rather be. 

The gift of staying home hasn't come easy.  Things have been given up, people have cried, lives are changed ....all so that I can stay home with my sweet girl.  Everyday I think about what it has cost for this gift, this wonderful opportunity to stay home with my girl.  Some days it gets me a bit at what has been given up, at how many people it took to make this gift, this time with Belle happen.  Today is one of those days.  My heart is hurting so badly from the thankfulness inside of it.  For everything that has been sacrificed I am thankful.  I wish there was a better word than thankful, maybe grateful?  No, grateful is still not strong enough for what my heart feels these days. 

I love to hear her giggles, to rock her to sleep, to see her do little things that she couldn't do the week before, and to see her sweet smiles all day long everyday. 

Thankful and so very grateful is what I am for this life changing opportunity.  My heart is so full of gratitude it is bursting.  So thankful for all that so many have sacrificed for.  It breaks my heart to see it, to remember it; yet it brings a smile to my face and sweet memories to mind when I think of the reason I am sitting here at home with my Belle.  I will be forever eternally grateful for that which God has given me through the hard work, sweat, and tears of so many.  Eternally grateful...Those two words describe perfectly what my heart feels today, and everyday. 

God is good all the time.

Wow...it has been...AWHILE!

So....yeah...its been awhile since I last blogged...but ya know things sometimes get set on the back burner after baby comes into your life and literally sucks your brain out, and leaves you with a pile of mush that revolves around her.  And I wouldn't want it any other way!  Sweet Arabella was born on Aug. 9 '11.  And yep, that makes her almost 9 months old!  9 months old!  Woah! People always say time goes by fast but seriously I do not know where the time has gone...one minute she was a sweet newborn that coo'd and smiled at everything and now shes an almost 9 month old that drools, slithers across the floor faster than a rattle snack, pulls up on things and is getting 3 top teeth (upping her to 5 teeth in her mouth!) 

Obviously time is not on my side here!

She is absolutely, hands down the best baby ever!  No doubt!  She loves to swing, rock, have her belly tickled, peek-a-boo, BATHTIME, stuffed animals, daddy and her Duke.  Shes amazing.  I love her beyond comprehension. 

She is our answered prayer.  When the Lord created her he went 10 million times over what we ever prayed for...she is truly an answer to so many prayers.