To Melissa!

Hey girlie!!  I just figured out that you have been making comments on the blog thing (sometimes it takes me awhile to figure things out)
Anywho...thanks for your encouarging and insightful words:)
And again Congrats on the little bambino:)

kind words

So I was talking to a lady today at one of the schools I sub in a lot and she was asking me if applied for the position at that school. 
I told her yes and then she asked, "where else are you applying?" 
I said, "I'm not applying anywhere else."
"Why in the world not?" she asked
"If I don't get the job at this school than we are going to go on to the next step which is trying to have a family."
I expected her to say, oh my dear, you have to apply other places, you can do both, work and be a mom...etc
Insead she broke out into this huge sweet smile and said, "thats Great!, I'm so excited for you!"  (at this point I could have kissed her I was so grateful for some positive feedback to our plan)

Wow, the wonders that some kind words can do, when all I've heard lately are not such kind words. 

It's not gonna be easy

So I went to the heart doc today...and the 2nd question out of their mouths had to do with when we were going to start a family.  How handy cause I was gonna ask on the same topic.  I must say she looked rather apprehensive about the whole thing, but she reassured me that having kids with my pacemaker is ok and that the pacemaker won't hurt the baby (when there is a baby). 
I do have to go off some meds b4 even trying to get pregnant bc the meds could cause early miscarriage.  So yeah this whole baby thing won't be as easy as it appears on 16 and pregnant.  HAHA

Why?

Why does is seem everywhere I go, everything I see has something to do with being pregnant? 

No I'm not pregnant...yet. 

Everyone seems to make getting pregnant, being pregnant so easy.  I wish it was that easy.  It's not

Anger

In church we are going through a sermon series on the 'Sermon on the Mount' and in that sermon, Christ gives us standards to strive for once we have given our all to him.  This week the focus is on anger (Matthew 5:21-26).  And oh man do I need to deal with some anger and I do not mean in the form of punching something!
There are things in my life, more like people in my life that are bringing this anger thing out.  The relationships with these people have been in the toliet (for lack of better words) for years but the past couple of months the toliet is starting to overflow.  (moving on from the toliet comparison, you get the point)
I am angry at these people, so very angry and I just don't know how to get past it.  Christ says to resolve our anger with the other, but I can't sometimes calm down to deal with it in my head much less with that person.  I am struggling with this so very much right now, I tried a month or two ago to just leave it behind me but I realize now that I am not over it, am still very angry and am most likely going to have to deal with that person and my anger. 
I am trying to look to Christ, I really am, and I need strength and the power from Christ to overcome this roadblock of anger and to do what I need to do to move with life. 

Why did I go?

People always told me, " you want to have a college education!" or "you won't go anywhere without a college degree"  HAHA!  Looks like I'm not going anywhere with one either!

So I was one of those people who went to college, not an expensive one, but not a community college (not saying ANYTHING againt CC's!).  I worked while I was in college, applied and got grants.  But still I end up with more debt than the average American has sunk in their Cadillacs.  And my hubby, well, HA he's got more than a house would cost!
Do the loan companies make it easy to repay these, and work with you, even though I don't have a job that could pay them all back with 3 years of salary?  No, they make it insanly difficult.  Their customer service representatives are in India, which makes the whole speaking English thing pretty difficult. 
Well, now I'm wondering why in the world I went to college in the first place?  I'm not using my degree becuase I can't find a teaching job (not that a teaching job salary would pay for my loans anyway)  And I could be doing the same thing I'm doing making about the same without a college education. 

So I find myself asking why exactly did I go to college?

Missing the Sun

I did not know it could be so overcast for so many days in a row.  I miss the sun and summer isn't even my favorite season, it's winter.  But come on, I need some sun because I'm sure I've reached a new low on my Vitamin D count over the past month of non sunny weather!
Thats my rant for the day.