I've been writing again..

I sat down the other day feeling so sick of the soul, mind and body, that I knew I had to write it down, get it out. It isn't pretty. But I felt so much relief when I finished. It made it all hurt a little less. Here's what I wrote:

How does it feel to know all you knew was a lie?
Every touching moment, every tear, every giggle, every smile was just a show.
To know now that you never really cared.
How can one be so unfeeling? So remorseless?
To take what is not yours to have
How can I be from someone like you?
Will I morph into you as the years roll by?
or will the gene that is your evilness await in any future I may have?
You have chosen to leave, chosen to act like a coward, chosen to be wicked and hold your cold stone heart.
But as you chose, you hurt, you damaged, you abused.
I guess I've always known you weren't truly warm, loving and without evil.
I must have hoped too much that good would reign in you.
One left me by choice when I was young
You have left me know when I am older.
I am left with little of what I grew up knowing and loving.
To know that so much was a lie hurts and resounds so very much.

Well, there it is, even after typing it I feel better. As if the pressure is relieved just a bit.
If the person that inspired this ever reads it they will know that it is for them.

Quick moment of confusion

Umm, I am listening to my iTunes library and Pink Floyd just made its way around...I was unaware I had anything called Pink Floyd in my iTunes library...you never know what you might find, even when your not looking.
Side question: Is Pink Floyd a band or a person? Naturally the song was horrible and since has been deleted off my library but my curiousity is peeked.

Hurt

The hurt I feel from the stuff that has gone down this past month in my family, kills me a little everyday to think about.
No one died, No one was physically injured. But the whole concept of what my family is has changed. Every holiday celebration has changed, every trip to STL has changed, every memory I have I look back on and I question its true meaning and validity.
My family has forever changed and I'm clinging to the pieces that are left.
Wanna know the worst thing, I think I saw this coming for a long while, but I was in denial of the hurtful words, and actions building up. Its hard to vent this, and think it out without explaining it all but this isn't really the place. So I will stop rambling for now.